Procrastinating...Then Procrastinating Some More

                Yeah, I know…it’s been almost seven months since I last posted. I can’t say that I didn’t have time. I did. I had time upon time upon time. But the problem is, is that time that I had bookoodles of was filled with me trying to figure out ways not to be as stressed out. I’m not going to lie. This past year was HARD. Sophomore year beat me up, emotionally, physically, and spiritually. I tend to internalize my stress. My outsides never truly reflect how stressed I am. This may seem odd because when you see me stressed, I’m running around ready to scream. But that’s just it, I don’t scream. I don’t let my stress out. I keep it all bottled up inside till I have an emotional breakdown. Many occurred in private…a few in public. But the thing is, all this would be solved if I would just RELY on GOD.

                Rely on God, I say. Now I dare you to give me another phrase that we use in our daily walks as Christians that is thrown around so much, but so hard to act upon. No, really, I dare you. I can’t think of a single one. Not one. I stress, worry, cry, vent, and pull my hair out. But I don’t rely on God. My friends tell me “Meghan, you have to start relying on God! You are way too stressed!” I know this. So why don’t I? Why don’t I do the one thing that I know for a fact and without a doubt in my mind will relieve me of all my worries, fears, and anxieties? I guess that’s the human thing about it. No matter how secure we are in our faith, we all try to be “super-Christians.” You know those Christians who walk around like they don’t have a care in the world and that they have it all together. It’s like we believe that God has given them some sort of magical potion that makes them not stressed and anxious and worried.

                Worry is a sin. I think. Well…in my case it is. Sin is anything that gets in between you and God. It’s that thing (those things) that holds you back. So maybe other people just handle it better than I do. Maybe they don’t. But you know what doesn’t solve worry? Pretending it doesn’t exist. Several months back I was extremely upset about something. Of course, I wouldn’t let it show on the outside. Some of the wisest words that have ever been spoken to me came out of this situation. I was telling a friend about what had happened-someone had broken a promise. I said it was ok. She told me that no it isn’t. It hurts. I know it hurts. So stop pretending like it doesn’t. That burned deep. Stop pretending. Isn’t that what our society tells us to do? Look at social media. Look at facebook, twitter, pinterest, whatever. It is about more than connecting. It is about letting people know how awesome you are. Seriously. I do it, you do it, we all do it. We look at our facebook posts, our twitter tweets, our pins on pinterest. We automatically think-Who will like this? Can I get a retweet? What does this make other people think of me? To some extent, we are all products of a self-centered, vain, and conceited culture. We want others to see the good things. The cute clothes, cool friends, bible verses on how good the Lord is-which He is really good, not trying to say that’s wrong. But we hide the bad things. We hide the fears, the worries, the anxieties, the STRESS. We hide our brokenness.

                So my challenge for myself-and you if you’re willing to take it-is to STOP PRETENDING. When someone asks what they can pray about for you, tell them the truth. When a brother or sister in Christ asks what’s wrong-tell them. Don’t try to hide it. Because nothing is unappealing as a big group of fakers. Let’s be real. Let’s be really real. Let’s rely on God-as hard as it may be. But let’s ask God to help us rely on Him. That may sound crazy. It probably is. But nothing is as crazy as having the antidote for a deadly poison and not taking it, right? We have the cure easily accessible. We can reach out our arm, and pick it up. So let’s do it. And part of the healing process is being real. Let’s not pretend like we’ve got it all together. Because we don’t. But let’s exude the joy that is ours through Christ. And that, my friends, is what happens when I put things off.

                Now to close us out with the world’s best and most over-quoted (well not over-quoted, it is the Bible) verse about worry:

“This is why I tell you: Don’t worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Isn’t life more than food and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the sky: They don’t sow or reap or gather into barns, yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Aren’t you worth more than they? Can any of you add a single cubit to his height by worrying? And why do you worry about clothes? Learn how the wildflowers of the field grow: they don’t labor or spin thread. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was adorned like one of these!  If that’s how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and thrown into the furnace tomorrow, won’t He do much more for you—you of little faith?  So don’t worry, saying, ‘What will we eat?’ or ‘What will we drink?’ or ‘What will we wear?’ 32 For the idolaters eagerly seek all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be provided for you. Therefore don’t worry about tomorrow, because tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

-Matthew 6:25-34